DİLARASAL KAOSTAN OLUŞAN KELİMELER

Bazen hic tanismadigim birini tanimaya karsi inanilmaz bir istek duyabiliyorum. Fakat bu durum o insanin sadece ruya aleminde arkadasim olmasi gercegiyle duvara tokezleyebiliyor. Diger yandan herhangi bir olasilikta (mesela ruyalardaki olasiliklarda) konusabildigimizi bilmekse anlasabilecegimizi hisseden yanimi destekliyor. Sanki birbirimizi anlayabilecegimizi hisseden o yanim cok hakli. Bunu gecmiste sadece ruyalarimda varligi olan kisilere karsi hissettigimde uyandigimda surekli o kisiyle konusma istegi yuzunden tekrar uyumak ve o ruyadaki dunyaya donmek isterdim. Surekli konusalim dusuncelerimizi paylasalim isterdim ve bu hayranliktan farkli olarak o kisinin kisiligine ve bilgisine olan merakimdan kaynaklanirdi. Bir yandan ruya aleminde aslinda kendi bilincaltimin urettigi bir varlikla konustugumu bilsem de buna inanmak zorlasirdi. Mesela gercekten tanisabilirsek yapabilecegimiz diyalogun ve muhabbetin verecegi hazzi hayal eder mutlu olurdum.  Diyalog yani diger bir insanla kars...

I saw many people in life who just want to be beautiful or rich or very successful without knowing why they want these things. I think they are simply want to be loved. They want people to love them and they are too afraid to confess this to themselves. So they end up escaping from this real desire they have. Because after all, they are too cool to care about being loved, right? If they accept this verbally, it will make it even more real. So they won't. I always wondered whether I am one of them, and of course, as a human who is a product of my time in history, I am similar. But then, I never wanted those things, this made me the strange kid when I was young. Later in adulthood, I became an adult who didn't have high ambitions. But I did have different kinds of ambitions in life like pursuing what I love for the sake of it. Don't get me wrong, my family wasn't rich. But I never felt that they would love me less if I will not be successful, or beautiful, or rich. I didn...